7 tips for parenting while running a business

Anyone who has kids and a small business deserves a medal. It’s not easy. Running a business takes a lot of focus and energy, so how do you juggle all this and still look after your family, especially if both of you are working in the business?

I have 6 kids, but I’m no expert on parenting. So I went looking for answers and found 7 proven ideas to help all of us balance work and home:

1. Pick and choose

To improve your business, taking stock is the first step. If you’re feeling guilt, pinpoint the root cause. Did you miss a birthday? Left the kids hanging while you took a work call? Worked on Sunday instead of going to the beach together like you promised?

Get clarity around what you’re okay (and not okay) with missing out on. Figure out what’s important and let yourself off the hook for other stuff. What’s non-negotiable for you? Being there for Christmas Eve, the annual fishing trip, school performances, their Saturday games, weekly movie nights, or maybe it’s just being home in time for dinner every night?

Once you know what it is, protect that time by having a “no” speech ready anytime something (or someone) else tries to encroach. Be aware that “yes” and “no” operate in balance. Just like dropping your price might have dire consequences later (especially in this environment), saying “yes” to a certain client, might mean saying “no” to your family for the next few weekends.

Make sure to let go of other people’s expectations. Weigh your own actions. Most people have no idea the amount of work and sacrifice it takes to run your own business. Just don’t miss the things that would gut you to miss.

2. Set the tone

What we expect is what we will see. Don’t buy into ‘terrible twos’ or ‘disrespectful teens’. Focus instead on the best things each season of parenting brings.

Likewise, focus on what is good about being in business. How you talk about your business = how your kids will feel about it. If you talk like you hate your business, your kids are probably going to internalise that, parrot it, and feel a bit septic about the time you spend working.

A good business makes you more money than a regular job would. Gives your kids better opportunities and a head-start in life. Heck, you’ve created flexibility to help out with the kids more and spend more time with them. You’re providing for your family. That’s badass. Own it.

Talk this through with your kids, help them see the reasons you work so hard. Soon they will be grown and have their own careers (or business). Kids learn by watching (and mimicking) us. Are we modelling healthy behaviour in how we handle the curveballs and how we treat our clients and team?

3. Accept that it’s messy

You can’t do it all. Don’t try. Get help with the kids, the house, the business. As much as you can in the current scenario.

We’re not supposed to parent alone. Encourage healthy influences in your kids’ lives that are not you. Find childcare options your kids love and don’t feel guilty. Hire an online tutor, cleaner, lawn-mowing service, meal delivery, anything that makes it easier!

Work-wise, outsource and delegate as many of the $25/hour tasks as you can. To be a successful leader, spend your time on the high-level tasks. Save time by systemising and streamlining as much as you can in every area. Now is a great time to lean on technology.

4. Optimise the in-between

Research shows the in-between moments of regular family life (activities like chores or taking the car for a warrant) can do as much for family bonding as any planned ‘family fun’.

Here are the things studies have associated with improved outcomes:

Talking to and listening to your kids.
Making it clear you have ambitions for their future.
Being emotionally warm.
Teaching them letters and numbers.
Taking them on excursions.
Reading to them daily (and encouraging them to read for pleasure).
A regular bedtime.

Easy ways to make the most of things you’re doing anyway: Implement a ‘no screens at the dinner table’ rule. Turn your phone on silent – clients can wait an hour. In the car: practice times tables, ask your kids what problems they want to solve in the world, or listen to an audiobook together. Cooking, doing dishes, folding laundry? Have the kids help; blast the family soundtrack or ask them about Minecraft. Going out to pick up supplies, or clear the PO Box? Take one kid along for some 1 on 1 every time you run an errand (if it’s safe). Bring the kids into the business. Give them simple jobs in the office, or begin teaching them your trade.

5. Make memories

For parents struggling with lack of time, Karthik Rajan shares this gem: Time doesn’t matter. Memories do.

Question: “What are some of your best memories of things your parents did for you?” In a FB group, this generated 286 comments. Most were about simple moments that didn’t cost money:

“My dad tucking me in at night and making up stories!”
“Chasing us around the house endlessly.”
“My mum would put her hand on my forehead when I was sick.”
“She always put notes in my lunch.”
“Working on projects with me.”
“Going fishing with my Dad.”
“Tuesdays was the day dad picked
me up, it was our tradition to stop for
chocolate on the way home.”
“Every Sunday he would make pancakes.”
“Work wise, outsource and delegate as many of the $25/hour tasks as you can. To be a successful leader, spend your time on the high-level tasks.
“My mum used to make the bed with me in it.”
“She’d put towels in the dryer to warm them before we got out of the bath.”

I teach my clients the 80/20 rule to create more profit. Similarly – identify and focus on the 20% of daily activities, the simple moments that matter most to your kids.

6. Play at 100%

One study found children were better off when parents’ work was challenging and enjoyable, even if it limited time at home. However, this only held if, when Dad was home and off-duty, he was available, and not on his phone constantly or obsessively thinking about work.

Gary Vee is known as a workaholic. Yet he says: “I play in extremes. My daughter had a recital, I was the first parent in line for it. On weekends, I am all in – 100%. I’m not playing 4 hours of golf. I’m not doing things other people are doing. I’m all in on the kids.”

CEO Sharran Srivatsaa has a good tip: “On my way home, I pull over, I finish any calls, load my meditation app, change my state to ‘father and husband’. When I get home, I walk through the door present and joyful. This simple 6-minute state-change transformed my life”.

7. Love your work, or quit

It’s probably not possible to build a family business without your partner having some role. However, it’s important you’re both playing to your strengths and on the same page. It’s always helpful to take a step back and assess: “Is this working?”

A common scenario is when the female partner has agreed to do accounts and run the show behind-the-scenes, while he is on the tools, or with clients. If this isn’t her natural skillset, or she’s constantly overwhelmed, it may be time to look at another option. Not all couples can, or should, work together (especially if there’s an eroding baseline of respect).

It’s also wise to consider how much time she really has available, especially if you have kids under 5 or still in primary. Factor in relentless interruptions and school (either at home or school pickups and drop-offs), sick days, and school holidays – and the required consistency in the role may be hard or impossible to achieve.

Research also showed kids are mentally healthier when mum feels she has control over what happens in her workday and also has time away for self-care (this increased her capacity, compared to using that same time on housework).

As we wrap up, here’s a sobering stat:
93% of the time we spend with our kids is over before they finish high school. Once they move out, we won’t see them nearly as much, and have less influence.

Time is short. Life has to be on your terms. Yes, your business is probably going to require more attention in this season. To avoid regrets, and your kids missing out, the key is to set your boundaries and schedule in advance. So work doesn’t encroach on family time.

If you need help to get your business in line with your family – or just want someone to talk strategy with – hit me up for a free 45-minute coaching session here: https://nextleveltradie.co.nz/nextstep/

Written by Daniel Fitzpatrick