There are many things – situations, events and people – that have an effect on our lives. A lot of these are positive,but
there are plenty which are negative, that don’t complement our wellbeing.
We often get involved in things (causes, clubs, community) for the right reason – it’s at the right time at that moment in our life – but find after a while, these things start to develop a more negative path – draining us of the original passion or desire to be involved.
Sometimes, the fight it takes within us to stay involved is accelerated by confrontation that is taking place outside of our control, by someone or something that is really working against us. This creates a negative spiral, and can lead to bad decisions and confrontation, or worse still – an overwhelming, all-consuming thought process that puts us in a state of anxiety and stress.
It’s at this point we need to take a step back, breathe and give ourselves space to process how we are feeling, analyse what is driving the feelings we have, categorise the influence that’s causing the anxiety and then make a decision to improve the situation.
Once you step back, it can become clear as to what needs to happen. Firstly, ask and write down the answers to some simple questions:
- Is this issue within my control or outside my control?
- Is what I am involved in – that is causing an issue – going to compliment me and grow me? Or hold me back?
- How important is the time I give this issue in comparison to my needs, and those who need my time, such as family and friends?
- What are the pros and cons of staying in this space vs moving away?
The answers, if honest, will normally present the solution!
Recently, I was faced with this exact same scenario, and I think it’s important I ‘walk the talk’ when writing or speaking to others on their mental health, so to own and talk about my journey hopefully shows an honesty and connection to those who may need it.
Since I was 12 years old, I’ve been involved in a sport/industry as a club member, competitor, administrator, board member, coach and team manager, commentator, and public defender, and have faced many social media and personal attacks because of the roles I’ve been involved in. This involvement has led to many great opportunities for me personally, and had I been a bit more selfish, it would not have mattered when the people within the sport disrespected the efforts I took to grow it, foster the youth development and give many hours of what should have been family time to it. But I was wrapped up in it. To say it was my life was an understatement; it was who I was. Or was it what I do, not who I am?
This year I decided that the last part of my connection to this sport had become toxic; out of my control, was no longer a complement to my life – taking my time away from my family, and consuming my mind with negativity that was impacting my life.
How did I come to that decision? I asked the questions above, and the answer became clear! Move away and foster the positive, don’t enable the negative. Start devoting time to where my life seems to be heading or where the need for my work is taking me.
The result has been a weight off my shoulders, more family time, and not having to appease the agendas of others but instead foster my own agenda: to help develop and grow the Lean on a Gate campaign.
This has been a realisation of that simple fact: what we do is often not who we are. When the world throws rocks at us, it may be time to change path, as the world has a better or different plan for us that we may not know while stuck in a void of negativity.
The problem with my changes is that they are often public, due to the nature of my work, such as the roles with the Young Farmers competition, NZ Rodeo, The Farmers Weekly and other commentary work. However, I think we can care too much about public perception rather than the reason for change.
I read of a preacher who had been with a lot of people as they took their last breath. Never once had anyone asked for their trophies, awards and accolades, or their money and assets at the end of their life. They want only one thing; to be surrounded by the people that they love, the people that have supported them or they have supported, the positive influences they have had in their life or invested in.
Feed what’s positive and starve what’s not!
Written by Craig (Wiggy) Wiggins
Published in WIRED issue 75/December 2024 by Fencing Contractors Association NZ
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