“I had a chat with Luke today,” Shaun blurted out during a quick phone call. “Oh, really?” I replied, almost holding my breath for what the outcome of that chat was. Shaun had been stewing on an issue with one of our main clients for a while.
“Yeah, it was big, and I had a knot in my stomach,” he added.
Oh. Shit.
“Okay, um, how did it end? Is everything all good?” I tentatively asked. Please. Please, on my knees, please let it be all good. Now’s not the time for us to lose a big and reliable client.
“It was all good. I’ll tell you about it tonight,” he replied, and hung up.
Oh man, I hate being left hanging. Mainly because in my mind I go over different scenarios that could have happened, what might have been said, what Shaun should have said, or more to the point – what he shouldn’t have said. I assume things. I make up a story and think about it so much that a story becomes – real.
Here’s the thing. We all do this. And we do this with absolutely everything, all the time. We just don’t realise we do. We create assumptions in the form of stories for how we view our world. These stories are influenced by things like how we were raised, what we saw other people doing and saying, the community and culture and country we live in, what we read, what we watch. Absolutely everything you’ve experienced and taken on as the ‘right’ way or ‘wrong way’ constructs your stories.
*Insert fancy word for this: Social Constructionism. Eyes glaze. Yawn. But I’m going to keep going because the end of this story is important.
Think about these stories:
- We’re not making any money because we’re not working hard enough.
- I deserve a break because I’ve worked hard.
- Men don’t cry.
The problem with stories is that we get a bit caught up in thinking they are The Truth.
Shaun often says, “There’s three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth.” But this is not entirely correct. There is often no “one-and-only-truth” at all. Because, like I said, we each create our own truths, therefore they can be uncreated – or shall we say… changed.
Now, the situation with our client Luke is that we have been loyal contractors to them for ten years, and we did a quote for them and lost it to someone else. This is a fact. Yes.
But how Shaun tells that story to himself and others is how he creates the truth of the matter. For example, he could say, “My quote was for better quality materials, so of course I’d miss out on price. He set me up deliberately, so I didn’t win it.” And then Shaun could gather more evidence to support the story of deliberateness: “He did it so his mate would win the quote.” And then decide that “I can’t trust the guy, I’m never doing business with him again.”
This is one story. Created by Shaun. Forming his reality of being shafted.
When Shaun finally got around to finishing his story to me that night, he said he told Luke he was pissed about it and that Luke apologised.
Woah. Unexpected.
Luke said he had no idea what was going on within that department of his business. He also got the new guy who had accepted the quote to apologise too.
This was a whole different story.
What’s important is knowing that we are choosing the stories to create, to believe, to tell, and retell. This is important because it relates to how we then decide to act on things, e.g. stew on the matter and forever have beef with Luke or find out a different story, accept the apology, let go and move on.
So, before you go getting a knot in your stomach too, remember that the story is just your story. What if there’s another one? A better one.
Written by Angelena Davies
Angelena Davies is a wife and mum who happens to have a Masters degree in Social Sciences. Alongside running Davies Fencing she is also a coach, facilitator and author helping children and adults to access “flow” so their lives are easier and more fun.
Published in WIRED issue 78/September 2025 by Fencing Contractors Association NZ
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